


damn your kiss and the awful things you do.

by themissinglenk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Contemporary AU, M/M, fffffffasdkl, from tumblr, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:39:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themissinglenk/pseuds/themissinglenk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whoever had convinced Armin rock climbing was a good first date idea needed to jump off a bridge into traffic. Competition should have been taboo, because Jean was clearly as competitive as Eren and so there was no time for niceties or other details of introduction. All that mattered was who would be first to ring that bell up there by the padded ceiling—and God dammit, those kids in their REI and North Face were going down if they didn’t get the fuck out of the way. // from tumblr, open prompts, au, rain of f-bombs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	damn your kiss and the awful things you do.

“My choice in guys obviously sucks,” Eren lamented, confident Armin and Mikasa wouldn’t be distracted by restocking weapons in the safe zone on _Left4Dead 2_. They always left the best choice for his character, of course. “I’m either a rebound or experimentation or a fucked-up fling or a friends-with-benefits thing and Mikasa, don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy for you and Erd, but seriously, what the hell am I doing wrong?”

“Maybe you’re too much of a loudmouth,” Mikasa suggested stoically without glancing away from the game. As if at the mention of her boyfriend, her thumb twitched protectively over the latest ring he’d gotten her. She was perfect that way. Subtle little slips of sentimentality.

Eren snorted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe you’re too real for them,” Armin proposed next. “You’re not lost in the clichés of types but they still are.”

Eren’s face pinched. “Are you saying I’m not enough of a top or a bottom?”

“Or maybe it’s just that you’re still afraid of a serious relationship and you’re fucking it up for yourself,” Mikasa pointed out concisely, shooting a few zombies who were closing in on Eren’s character. “Maybe it’s because you’re totally in love with that one professor of yours, the creative writing one—Levi. Or maybe it’s because everyone else is either in the dorms or their own places, and you’re still living with your rich doctor dad and pretend-mom.”

“ _Stepmom_ ,” Eren gritted out in the dancing light of the television. “Thanks, Mikasa. You just shot me.”

“Oops.”  

It only made sense that within a week and a half of that conversation, Armin set him up on his first blind date.

“ _Rock climbing_?” Eren sputtered, simultaneously cocking a brow and tossing the brochure across the dining nook table at Armin. Armin guarded his tea, frowning up at him.

“Yeah.”

“Rock climbing for a blind date. Do I look like an ADHD twelve-year-old to you? More concerning, did you set me up with an ADHD twelve-year-old?”

“No. I set you up with someone Berthold knows from class. They both had their scrap metal pieces in the spring expo…”

“So it’s an ADHD twelve-year-old who melts pieces of trash together and pretends it’s art?”

Armin snorted on a mouthful of tea, struggling to keep his laughter at bay. “You are so rude! No, I set you up with this guy Jean, he’s an Art major, he’s trying to get back into dating after he lost his boyfriend last Christmas in an accident, he…”

Eren wanted to crawl under the dining table and die. Or maybe behind the piano in the foyer. Or maybe just jump out the upstairs hall window where there was no backyard pool or garage roof to catch him. Instead he just sank down onto the window seat between the table and the counter and pinned Armin with a look of honest disbelief. Felt like a twist of distraught and despairing and absolutely dumbstruck.

“You set me up with an ADHD twelve-year-old who thinks he’s an artist and has a dead ex. Wow, thanks Armin. That sounds like a great time. Oh, and we’re rock climbing, too. Even better.”

Armin couldn’t even feign an ounce of remorse. There was that knowing little quirk of his brow, a tiny dimple on one side of his mouth where a satisfied smirk was biding its time, a dark disdaining glance like he was an older brother, wise and knighted with knowledge after years of superior experience.

“I figured you might have something in common with him, actually,” Armin explained. “You both have shitty attitudes and a fear of letting anyone who hasn’t proved themselves to you yet closer than arm’s distance. …Or so Bert says.”

Jean Kirschtein was his name, and if life were a movie there should have been some wild angry antiestablishment rock song pounding through a chorus full of swear words the way he sauntered into the rock climbing place in the mall, all two-toned hair and barbell in the eyebrow, denim and hoodie and a scowl like his face had gotten stuck that way long before his mother could have warned him about it. (Just like Armin had described.)

Eren’s heart jumped.

Because he was nervous, of course.

Not because Jean had a model-pretty jawline and nice straight nose, and the kind of eyes you wanted to stare into all fucking night, and shit, look at the way those jeans fit—

No. Because this was a blind date, this hadn’t been his choice, he was trapped, and he wasn’t blushing, and he didn’t give a shit about making a good impression because _this hadn’t been his idea_ so he just had to get through it and wow he really felt like a dunce now, because he and Jean looked more like grungebabies matched for a cheesy family photo than two guys on a date together and that was ridiculous. Had Armin known that? That they even dressed alike? Didn’t Armin know opposites attracted and if you were too alike, you weren’t balanced out?

_Dead ex_ , whispered his mind to another nervous throb of the heart.

“Hi,” Eren grunted, slinking up beside Jean. Jesus Christ, they both even had their hands shoved in their pockets, radiating hatred for the world like microwaves radiated cancer. “You’re Jean?”

Jean looked him up and down quickly. Far from covertly. Seemed to soften a tiny bit—but only a tiny bit. Faint, apologetic smile. “Yeah. You’re Eren, then.”

“Yup.” Eren tapped the counter, trying to get the attention of the kid running the schedules. “Strap us up, dude.”

Whoever had convinced Armin rock climbing was a good first date idea needed to jump off a bridge into traffic. Competition should have been taboo, because Jean was clearly as competitive as Eren and so there was no time for niceties or other details of introduction. All that mattered was who would be first to ring that bell up there by the padded ceiling—and God dammit, those kids in their REI and North Face were going down if they didn’t get the fuck out of the way.

“Nice to meet you—”

“Yeah, you too—”

Jean won, unfortunately.

Eren’s pride stung a little. He tried to let it go, propping himself up on a few footholds and folding his arms on the top of the wall near the bell. It was kind of thrilling, balanced there, high above the ground and far away from the screaming children and general chaos of the mall.

Jean mirrored him. The dinging of the bell echoed in Eren’s ears.

“Whatever,” Eren grumbled. “This whole thing was free anyway, because Bert knows someone who works here. What a lame date, right? A hand-me-down free hour rock climbing.”

“Rock climbing is fun.” Jean shrugged. Ah, man. He sounded like a genuinely nice guy, actually. Trying to accommodate Eren’s bitching and all. “Have you ever actually rock climbed?”

“No.”

“I have. It’s a whole different rush.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah… Cool… Are you seriously pissed I won, or…?”

Eren cut Jean a glance, trying to seem a little more receptive. “No. Just trying to figure out some small talk. So… How do you know Berthold?”

Jean was quiet. He raked a hand through his cute hair and shrugged idly, finally meeting Eren’s glance. “I dated his brother last year.”

_What_.

Eren’s jaw dropped. “Oh—shit—your dead ex?”

Jean gawked, like he wasn’t sure if he’d just heard correctly. His face darkened. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I mean, I met Bert after—just a few times—when Armin saw him at parties, but—he never said—he mentioned his brother died but he never said it was that _recent_ —”

“I’m sorry,” Jean said again, crooked scowl back and ablaze. “Did you just say my ‘dead ex?’”

“What else am I supposed to say? Jesus, I knew this was a bad idea. Sorry. I have a ball of personal issues I have to work out, and it’s obviously still too soon for you, you have your own ball of issues, and—”

“Fuck, man, if Bert’d told me you were such a little shit, I wouldn’t have agreed, either. Or at least insisted we go to a bar instead of Little Titan I-Wish-I-Was-As-Cool-As-Real-Rock-Climbing Mall Wall.”

“This is so fucking stupid.”

“You’re telling me!”

“Move, I’m getting down—”

Hands searching for purchase. Bell dinging again and again and again. Some kids a few yards down looking up nervously while the big kids argued. Jean snorted and swept a foot out, knocking one of Eren’s off a false rock.

With a _clatta-clack_ of belts and buckles, Eren lost his balance and fell off the face of the wall with a resounding “ _SHIT!_ ” Almost went upside down. Clawed for the wall again and waited until the heart attack subsided before turning a wide-eyed look of shock up at this punk-ass Jean Kirschtein.

“You just… You just knocked me down on purpose!”

“Yeah. Are you gonna stop being a little shithead now?”

“I can’t believe you just knocked me down on purpose!”

“Be a man, princess— _uwagh!_ ”

Eren didn’t mean to growl as he scrambled up a few feet and jerked Jean away from the wall by the ankle. But he did. It could have been funny in a different situation.

_DING-DING-DING—D-DING—_

How utterly dangerous was this place, all the workers so half-assed and unaware that nobody noticed the two nineteen-year-olds at the top of the wall sabotaging each other’s grips.

“You’re a maniac!” Jean cried.

“You started it!” Eren sputtered, clinging to the wall as Jean tried to swing closer and slam him with the perilous tug of payback. “Obviously this isn’t going to work, we’re already fighting!”

“Who _wouldn’t_ fight with you, you insensitive little prick?”

“How long have you been dating again, Jean? Five God damn minutes? This could have gone much worse—”

“Oh no, I think this tops the list!”

“Shit, watch out, you’re gonna kick that little girl—”

“Ah! Sorry—” Jean finally reclaimed a portion of the wall, slightly out of breath. He pinned Eren with a scathing glare, lip curled. “Seriously, though, what’s your deal? It’s not like I was all gung ho about this shit, either, but I was willing to give it a shot—”

“I’ve already got you pegged, jackass.”

“Oh? Try me!”

“The dead ex thing was all I needed. Mr. I’m an Art Major Secret Yuppie Who Climbs Real Rock Walls And Has Too Much Baggage Kirschtein.”

“Yeah? Well, what Armin told Berthold who told _me_ was obviously dead-on, too. You’re a scaredy-cat who feels much safer in hook-ups and zipless fucks because for some reason you’ve got these walls up that you don’t want anyone knocking down, so you can’t even have a nice conversation with a blind date—”

“Why are you doing the blind date thing, anyway?”

“Because I can’t seem to make anything work on my own, so I figured I’d let my friends help me! _Jesus_ , you are too much—”

Oh.

That sounded familiar.

Eren stopped trying to punch Jean without falling off the wall and just…fell away from the wall. Let go and let himself slowly slip into the cradle of the harness, dangling above the padded ground. He rested his head on the taut strap as the tension began to unwind in his gear, spinning him in a slow circle. Fingers clammy, heart in his throat, at the end of the first swaying rotation he met Jean’s eyes in silent and dejected apology.

“Me, too,” he mumbled, and the little girl Jean had almost kicked shot up between them and rang the bell, screaming for her parents to take a picture.

Jean let go of the wall and swung next to Eren.

There was probably nothing more painfully awkward than hanging there in silence, nearly castrated by harness straps, losing feeling in your toes and wondering how long you had to twirl there before the workers brought you down or your cord just snapped and released you from hovering hell.

“You’re fucking crazy,” Jean mumbled.

“Sorry,” Eren muttered in reply.

“It’s entertaining, at least,” Jean husked.

“I just… This is stupid.” Eren shook his head, finally braving Jean’s glance again. “I’m really sorry. This has got to be one of the douchiest days of my life.”

“I get it, you know.” Jean shrugged, swinging one leg out to kick Eren’s knee gently. “Why you’re so hung up about a… _dead ex_.”

“No, listen to me, I’m really, really sorry, I didn’t even mean to say that out loud—”

“No, _you_ listen. I get it. If I dated someone whose last boyfriend _died_ , I’d freak out, too. I’d be like, well, will that person constantly be comparing me to their memories of that _other person_ , or…”

“…Yeah,” was all Eren could grunt in reply, mainly because he hadn’t even realized he’d been worried about something like that until Jean had put it into words. And then he laughed. He laughed because this was beyond ridiculous, just hanging there at a fucking rock climbing wall after wrestling each other off of it like rivaling bullies on the monkey bars. He laughed because they’d kicked the discomfort of the blind date into submission in their own way and now he actually kind of wanted to get to know Jean, if Jean could dismiss Eren’s detrimental first impression after this whole debacle was through. He laughed because he felt like panicking and if they didn’t get down soon, he might burst into tears like a baby. That was what panic did. He needed a cigarette or something.

“We’re gonna get kicked out,” Jean surmised. “The second we get out of these things down there, they’re gonna kick us out.”

“I’m cool with that,” Eren grumbled. “We can…go grab some coffee or something and start over.”

Sheepish hopeful glance, from the corner of the eye. Bait offered…

Jean cracked a smile, lashes lowering on those old soul eyes. God dammit, he took the bait. He took it and nodded, and was he blushing as he looked away, searching for a worker to come and get them down? Hmm. Eren couldn’t wait to find out if he was a top or a bottom. Couldn’t wait to find out what it smelled like in the nook of his neck. What tempo the butterflies in his stomach would dance to when Jean touched his hand, when their mouths met in an under-the-porch-light kiss and Jean didn’t make fun of him for still living with his parents—

They did, actually, get banned from the premises of Little Titan Mall Wall for six months.

They also laughed hysterically about it together on their way out to start the date over, and Eren decided if this was any note on how their relationship would go—if this turned into a relationship at all—well, Jean would be the kind of boyfriend who was also a best friend, and at least they knew they were both stubborn and resilient enough to bounce back from arguments rather triumphantly.

  
  
**_end._ **


End file.
